Assist! My Fake “Showmance” Is Turning Into the Real Factor!
Pricey Remy,
For the final six months, I’ve been in a fake relationship with a pop star. I’m an actor—simply breaking into the massive leagues—and out of the blue, I’ve received a entire “team” round me.
You already know the drill: PR reps, non-public cooks, and even an aesthetician. (Once I first heard that phrase, I believed they mentioned “obstetrician” and almost handed out. However apparently, an aesthetician offers with pores and skin, not infants.)
Remy—have you ever ever met PR folks? They’re terrifying. They speak at a velocity past human comprehension. And my crew shortly determined that a pretend romance between me and one other rising star—this pop singer—could be nice PR for us each. So, cue the staged paparazzi images of me backstage at her live performance, pretend photographs of us boarding a non-public jet at Austin-Bergstrom, and tacky snaps of us sharing a Stanley cup on fifth Avenue. (Two straws, one cup. Yikes.)
The issue? I’m really head over heels for her. For actual.
I daydream about braiding her hair, shopping for us matching slankets, and taking her out on a two-person pedal boat. I even fantasize about constructing her a cabin within the woods with a recording studio for her, a dojo for me, and a jetty for us to go fly fishing.
However right here’s the kicker: I can’t inform anybody. My PR crew has the entire relationship mapped out. We’re scheduled to “break up” round Thanksgiving (the Instagram announcement is already drafted, font and colour scheme included), and after that, I’m alleged to cease shaving till Halloween to persuade the general public I’ve gone “off the rails.”
Remy, I’m misplaced. What ought to I do? I’m a hopeless romantic, and I’ve fallen for somebody in a PR stunt.
Sincerely,A Liked-Up Main Man
Pricey Liked-Up Main Man,
Ah, sure. The wild world of PR. I’ve encountered PR people earlier than, and let me let you know—they are often terrifying, particularly once they’re speaking about “strategies” like your beard timeline. However let’s get critical for a second.
You’re navigating a new stage of fame, which comes with some PR theatrics, certain. However let’s not lose sight of one thing necessary: your emotions. You’re caught between a rock and a exhausting place (or, in your case, between a non-public jet and a Stanley cup). PR can generally blur the strains between actuality and narrative, however actual feelings like yours want their very own house to breathe.
First issues first—speak to your crew. PR people usually see purchasers as avatars of their media chessboard, nevertheless it’s time to remind them you’re human, not some starry-eyed Pac-Man gobbling up PR dots. Be sincere about how this pretend romance is affecting you mentally and emotionally. Transparency may result in a higher technique that respects each your emotions and your profession.
Lastly, ask your self: does this romance have a shot exterior of the limelight? Does your pop star dream of wooden cabins and matching slankets? Does she even like fly fishing? These questions matter if you would like a actual relationship, not simply a curated one for social media.
Maintain me up to date—I’m rooting so that you can discover a love that’s extra than simply PR stunts and Instagram filters.
Remy
Illustration by Russ Tudor
My Job is Homicide… Actually.
Pricey Remy,
Einstein as soon as mentioned that the definition of madness is doing the identical factor over and over once more and anticipating totally different outcomes. I’m satisfied he was speaking about homicide documentaries.
I used to like being a documentary filmmaker—it’s taken me all around the world, flexed my tutorial muscular tissues (I majored in Anthropology at Yale, with a minor in Primate Evolution), and allowed me to inform some distinctive tales.
However for the previous 5 years, it’s been nothing however homicide docs. On daily basis, it’s the identical: filming drone photographs of grassy marshlands the place a Jane Doe’s shoe was discovered, interviewing coroners who all use the identical haunting tone, and listening to the unhappy cello soundtracks that now dominate my Spotify algorithm. I even have the telephone numbers of each pathologist from Seattle to Orlando saved in my contacts.
Frankly, I discover the world’s obsession with homicide disturbing. It’s as if humanity has gone “horny for homicide,” and I’m its reluctant provider.
I believed I noticed a mild on the finish of the tunnel when an previous exec referred to as me to ask if I needed to attempt one thing new. But it surely turned out to be… a homicide podcast.
Remy—assist me. Do I hold taking place this darkish, bloody path, or do I give up whereas I nonetheless have some sanity left? I dream of doing a documentary on regenerative agriculture within the Decrease Mekong. However who am I kidding?
Sincerely,Caught in a Dead-End Job
Pricey Caught in a Dead-End Job,
I really feel your ache. Your world is coloured in crime-scene tape, and I can see why you may need to movie actually the rest—perhaps a heartwarming story about alpacas?
However let’s not be too hasty. Homicide documentaries are their very own type of anthropology. They discover human habits, social reactions, and even cultural taboos. The fascination with dying is nothing new; humanity’s been obsessive about it since, effectively, without end. So, don’t be too exhausting on your self for being a a part of this style—in any case, it’s not like we’re nonetheless placing heads on spikes, proper?
Possibly the issue isn’t the subject material, however the truth that it’s grow to be so formulaic. There’s extra to those tales than crime scenes. What in regards to the lives of these left behind? How do communities rebuild? Are there fascinating, untold narratives inside these tragedies that might reignite your ardour?
Why not take the homicide podcast provide however use it as a stepping stone to department out? Concurrently, begin working on that Decrease Mekong undertaking. You by no means know—you may discover a technique to merge your two worlds. In spite of everything, who says the Mekong doesn’t have its personal darkish secrets and techniques?
Dangle in there, and don’t declare time of dying on your profession simply but.
Remy
Am I Too Stunning For My Personal Good?
Pricey Remy,
It pains me to be scripting this, as I think about myself far above such issues. However I’ve no alternative.
To place it modestly, I’m one of the crucial well-known actresses on the earth. I’ve been referred to as a “screen darling,” a “Hollywood doyenne,” and even a “national treasure.”
Naturally, when a main studio approached me to make a biopic of my life, I agreed instantly. It could be a crime to disclaim the general public my story.
However then got here the horror: the casting course of. The actresses they’re suggesting to play me are, frankly, insulting. Scrawny, quirky creatures that wouldn’t look misplaced promoting cleansing merchandise on cable TV—actually not headlining a field workplace hit.
Remy, should I settle for that magnificence like mine can’t be replicated? Ought to I simply scrap the undertaking and hearth my agent (it might be my third one this 12 months)?
Sincerely,A Displeased Doyenne
Pricey Displeased Doyenne
Hollywood casting is like courting. Generally, the right match isn’t apparent at first look.
Casting administrators search for extra than simply bodily magnificence (although it’s clear that’s your high concern). They think about the intangible qualities that make somebody such as you a true star. It’s not nearly discovering somebody with excellent cheekbones or a camera-ready smile—it’s about capturing your essence. Give it some thought: your speech patterns, your distinctive gait, the best way you throw a look that might kill when somebody dares convey you the mistaken espresso. That’s what they’re attempting to forged.
And let’s be sincere—magnificence requirements have developed because you first hit the scene. Hollywood isn’t all about shiny perfection anymore. That “quirky” actress you dismissed may shock you with how effectively she captures the interior you, even when she’s not your bodily twin.
As in your agent—perhaps decelerate on the firings. Going via three brokers in a 12 months is a crimson flag, even on this city. Maintain an open thoughts, belief the method (sure, I do know it’s a cliché), and do not forget that a biopic isn’t nearly self-importance—it’s about legacy.
Remy
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Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran TV producer and founding father of Vitality Guru, which presents enterprise and profession teaching to excessive performers in media. Ship queries to: guru@vitality.guru.
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
